


a comfort object

by zanthetran



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, aka they talk about why the doctor is wearing a packer, they have a conversation about the complexities of gender and identity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-20 07:01:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30001089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zanthetran/pseuds/zanthetran
Summary: the doctor and yaz have a conversation about packers and gender
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Comments: 6
Kudos: 25





	a comfort object

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this bc I thinking packing 13 is Nice and I think it's a thing she absolutely would do

“Okay, so, dinosaurs —“

“They’re not dinosaurs.”

“Did you even see them? They were absolutely dinosaurs. Where the fuck even are we?”

The crystal on the end of the Doctor’s sonic lights up the room for a few seconds as she scans the door in front of them — that Yaz is pressed against, actually.

“A transport ship, I think. Probably some type of cargo.”

“So dinosaurs are their cargo,” Yaz says.

“I don’t think they’re dinosaurs. I’ve never seen a dinosaur with three heads.”

“Okay so maybe they’re special dinosaurs. Does it really matter if they are or aren’t dinosaurs when they’ve got us hiding in a closet?” Yaz snaps.

“Right, yes. We need to figure out how to get past them and to the upper level, might be a bit less exciting up there.”

Yaz snorts. “Didn’t peg you for ever wanting something less exciting.”

“Getting eaten is not on my ‘exciting things’ list,” the Doctor points out. “Also, if I’m eaten you’re gonna have a hard time getting home.”

Oh shit, she didn’t even think about that. “Do you think they’ve tried to eat the tardis?”

“Nah, she doesn’t taste good anyways.”

Yaz absolutely does not want to know how she knows that.

“Right, so, plan?”

“Yes! A plan! I have one of those — almost. I’m thinking we can —“ There’s a sudden loud growl, right outside the door, and Yaz backs up as far as she can, pushing the Doctor against the wall. They’re both silent for a long few seconds, then thundering footsteps start walking away slowly.

Yaz’s heart pounds in her chest. Every nerve in her body is poised and ready to run at a seconds notice. Adrenaline pumps through her at a rapid speed. She wonders if the Doctor is feeling the same thing, body stuck between Yaz and a wall, breasts pressed against her back, the familiar feel of bony hips, a soft bulge pressing against the fabric of her jeans.

“Right, so I were thinkin —“

“What is that?” Yaz whispers, moving her hips a bit. The bulge stays pressed against her. “Do you have something in your pockets?” Her hand moves behind her and before the Doctor can speak she’s slipping it between their bodies and grabbing whatever is pressing against her. It’s squishy and sort of feels like one of those stress balls therapists usually have in their offices.

The Doctor clears her throat uncomfortably and her hand circles Yaz’s wrist, pulling it away from whatever she’s grabbing. “Sorry, Yaz. I, um — I didn’t think we’d be — y’know, touchin’ this much.”

“Doctor, what do you have in your pants?” Yaz asks. She’d turn around if there were enough room to do so, but alas, she’s stuck staring at the grainy texture of the wood door in front of them. She turns her head and can just make out the Doctor’s face in her periphery, shadows playing over her features from the overhead lights.

“It’s nothin’ important, just, um — a comfort object, of sorts,” the Doctor says quietly.

One of the dinosaurs roars a bit in the distance and they both jump, Yaz pressing back against her again. That soft pressure against her ass is back, the bulge in the Doctor’s pants that she’d grabbed. It’s hip height which means —

“Are you wearing a toy right now?”

The thought sends heat through her, which — no, Yaz. Bad. Not the time. Absolutely not the time.

(It’s really not her fault she’s imagining the Doctor taking her against this door right now.)

“No! Yaz!” The Doctor’s voice is a bit too loud and Yaz shushes her. They both wait in tense silence to hear if they’ve been found yet, and when nothing comes Yaz turns her head to the side again.

“Listen, I’m not saying I’m not into it, but now doesn’t really seem to be a great time, y’know? Maybe like, on a different trip. Or take me out someplace calm and we can —“

“It’s not a sex toy, Yaz. It doesn’t work like that.”

“Oh.” Yaz pauses, waiting for her to continue, and when she doesn’t she asks, “Okay, so what is it?”

And okay, maybe a closet while they’re trying to hide from man eating dinosaurs isn’t a great time to have a conversation about whatever the Doctor is wearing in her pants, but Yaz has always had a curious nature and she can’t help that she wants to know.

“You have them in your time — well,  _ you _ probably don’t have one, but they do exist in your time. They’re used a lot by transgender and trans-masculine people, sort of as a way to feel more comfortable —“

“Are you gonna give me a history lesson or are you gonna tell me what it is before we both die of old age in here?”

“It’s called a packer — at least that’s the common name for it. It’s sort of like a...fake penis,” the Doctor explains.

“But it’s not a sex toy?” It sounds like a sex toy.

“No! No, it’s not made from that material. And it’s not hard, as you’ve already felt. They make some that double as sex toys but that isn’t what this one is.”

Okay, that’s not really all that weird. Well, she’s a woman but like, she’s also an alien who was a man for a really long time, so it sort of makes sense. Comfort object and all that.

“Okay. So why are you wearing it on a trip?”

The Doctor shifts behind her and it presses the bulge against her. Yaz feels the way it squishes down instead of how it would normally feel with an actual sex toy.

“It’s...I don’t know,” the Doctor admits quietly.

Yaz scoffs. “Right, don’t clam up on me now. I think it’s fine if it’s something you want to wear, okay?”

Yaz can imagine the Doctor’s smile as she presses a kiss against the back of her neck.

“Brilliant,” she mumbles against the skin. “But first things first, I think the dinosaurs have left this hallway. Maybe we can figure out what’s goin’ on in this ship.”

“I knew they were dinosaurs,” Yaz mutters under her breath, loud enough for the Doctor to hear, before she opens the door quietly and peeks her head out.

* * *

“We didn’t finish our conversation earlier,” Yaz notes when the Doctor takes them back to the time vortex to park them for the night. She hasn’t mentioned the  _ packer _ since the closet incident hours ago and Yaz doesn’t want to push but she’s curious, and she cares for this woman, so.

“Oh,” the Doctor says, cheeks flushing. She lifts the handle and they come to a shuddering stop. “It’s not too important, just a thing I wear sometimes.”

Yaz’s eyes dart to the front of her pants and sure enough she sees a slight bulge there. She looks back up.

“And it’s not a sex thing?” 

The Doctor shakes her head, blonde hair bouncing around her face. Her cheeks flush but she says with confidence, “Absolutely not a sex thing.”

“Right.” Yaz waits. The Doctor looks uncomfortable. Yaz decides she’ll ask it to spare the both of them the awkward silence. “Do you want to be a man again?”

The Doctor’s head shoots up from where she was awkwardly studying the controls on the console. “What?”

Yaz shrugs. “You said you were a man for a long time before this, that this was the first time you remember being a woman. Do you want to be a man again?”

The Doctor frowns and Yaz can practically  _ see _ the thoughts racing through her brains, probably trying to parse through every single thought she’s had about being a woman and calculating the percentage of bad vs good thoughts or something.

“No, I don’t think I want to be a man now. It’s not — it’s just different, bein’ a woman.”

Yaz nods. “That makes sense.” It doesn’t make complete sense but hey, she’s only ever been a woman in one body, so what does she know? “If you want to be a man again, though, you can. Like, I dunno how gender really works on your planet but you can be a man in the body you have now, if that’s something you’d want.”

The Doctor shakes her head. “I don’t want to be a man again, bein’ a woman is great, it’s ace. It’s just...” she trails off, frowning again.

“It’s just...?” Yaz asks, trying to nudge her along whatever thought she was having.

“It’s comfortable, like this. With the packer, I mean. I were a man for so long that I’d gotten used to the weight and now that it’s gone...”

“Do you miss it?” Is it weird to ask someone if they miss their penis? Probably. But the Doctor isn’t just someone.

She shrugs. “I dunno — no? Yes, sometimes. Like when I need to use the loo and I’m not wearin’ this thing so I’ve gotta actually sit down to do my business. That part’s annoyin’. But I don’t miss it like someone misses a limb, if that makes sense. Just that —“ she pauses, thinking over her words before continuing. “The weight of it bein’ there. And having something there in general, like when y’walk or bend down or somethin’.”

“So it’s a comfort thing,” Yaz repeats her words from earlier. It makes more sense now that she thinks about it. She wonders if she’d miss parts of her body if she got an entirely new one every once in a while. Probably.

The Doctor nods. “Yeah, a comfort thing.” She bites her lip then adds, “I don’t wear it all the time, if you’re wonderin’.”

Yaz snorts and finally reaches out, pulling her close and resting her arms on the Doctor’s shoulders, scratching at the short hairs on the back of her neck. “I wouldn’t care if you did. You’re weird enough as is — this is probably the most normal thing you’ve ever explained to me.”

The Doctor looks offended. “I’m absolutely not weird — I only explained the hand thing because you asked!”

Yaz laughs. “Well I didn’t expect to get into an entire 6 hour lesson about time lord biology, did I?” Yaz leans forward and presses a kiss to the Doctor’s heated cheek. “I can live with it. Not a big deal.”

“Brilliant, ace,” the Doctor says with a grin when Yaz pulls back.

“And if you want it to be a sex thing —“

The Doctor starts to push her away but Yaz holds on tighter, laughing. “It’s not a sex thing, Yasmin Khan,” she protests.

“I’m just sayin’, mate. If you wanted to —“

“I’m never wearing it again. You’re far too depraved to deal with the complexities of gender.”

“Right, and you can’t tell me you weren’t thinkin’ about it when you were pressing it against me in that closet.” The Doctor looks offended. “I’m not opposed, is what I’m sayin’.”

“Noted,” the Doctor grumbles, letting Yaz pull her close and press a kiss to her temple.

**Author's Note:**

> as always catch me @zanthetran on tumblr/twitter


End file.
